Mary 2 – Mommy 0

For the second night this week Mary has ended up sleeping in bed with me. Even after rocking her to sleep multiple times when her head hit the crib mattress (or shortly thereafter) she wakes up and cries until I come get her.

Since she was born Mary has been a challenge as far as sleeping. She didn’t like her bassinet so we moved the crib in our room - she didn’t like her crib either. One night while nursing her (lying down in our bed) I fell asleep and so did she (for several hours). This was unheard of - I actually woke up refreshed! This began what is now known as the “slumber party” she slept with us every night until about March when I tried to ease her into the crib. At first she didn’t like it but by May we had a good routine going. I could rub her back while she listened to her music and she fell asleep. Then in mid May I brought home “the plague” from my office. We were all sick, so much so that Jim’s lung volume plummeted and Mary had to begin breathing treatments. Jim was so concerned she would quit breathing while she was sleeping he wanted one of us with her at all times. By mid June we had all finally recovered but Mary wanted no part of moving back to the crib.

Inspired by my buddies on the IVF message board I tried “cry it out” (CIO) - when Jim was out of town of course. She just seemed to get more and more upset and at one point threw up on herself and all over the crib. I gave up and again she was sleeping with us. When Nana came to town she enforced order and actually put Mary in the crib (after rocking her to sleep). I was in shock – Mary is asleep in the crib? So being a good student I followed her example rocked her to sleep and put her in the crib. It worked until Monday night.

When we had Courtney I was convinced there were two kinds of babies trained and untrained. Courtney was a shining example of a “trained baby” I would pick her up from the baby sitter at 6:30 she had already had dinner, clean jammies and diaper. She would fall asleep as I drove home I would put her in the crib and she was out until I woke her up the next morning. What could be easier? I am surprised Jim and I didn’t break our arms patting ourselves on the back with how well we had “trained” Courtney. Everyone told us how easy she was - we of course took full credit – why we had trained her!

Now jump ahead in time 5 years, Jim and I are babysitting our nephew Christopher, he was about Mary’s age. I had been rocking him for about 45 minutes he kept fighting going to sleep. Clearly an example of an “untrained” baby. I decided enough was enough put him in the playpen where he screamed for 30 minutes despite Jim sitting in the room talking to him “its OK little buddy go to sleep”. I picked him up – I surely didn’t want evidence of him being upset when his parents got there and held him until they got home. For a moment Christopher shook my confidence. Maybe some babies are just harder than Courtney? But Jim and I told ourselves it was just the difference in parenting - we had “trained” Courtney. If we had Christopher every night we could “train” him too.

Now I realize the “stubborn gene” may be more of a factor. Clearly something Courtney didn’t possess. You have seen the Staples commercial –we had the “easy button” with her and just didn’t realize it.

So what does that mean for little Mary? Do I try rocking her again tonight and hope she will sleep in the crib? Do I try CIO again and hope she doesn’t throw up? Do I accept that she needs to sleep with me and I am somehow damaging her emotionally by trying to put her in the crib?

While I am racking my brain trying to figure this out I have a feeling Mary is at school saying “listen up babies there are two kinds of parents - trained and untrained”.